Incomplete Completeness

Sometimes we are asked how we are, we know we are not fine

But I guess it's fine that our default answer is 'fine'

I have a theory about the people we assume to be fine.

Sometimes they are the ones who are the least fine.

There's something about a certain completeness that makes one feel incomplete.

Think about it this way,

someone who has a big family is seen as complete, but actually, the more people you have in your life, the more room there is for incompleteness

If you have one family member, there is only one chance for an incomplete relationship to be formed

Only one chance for separation

Only one chance for disappointment

Only one chance to be broken.

But with more members in your family, say 10,

You increase the chances by 10.

And let's face it, it is highly likely that you will be disappointed by more than 1 of the 10

So in simple words, the more you have, the higher the chances of losing... or winning

I've lived in a lot of places and I've traveled a lot
The only true home I have is in me.

And though one may expect my heart to be full, sometimes that fullness turns to emptiness.

There's nothing worse than watching two people fall in love but not being there long enough to attend their wedding.

Watching a child being born but leaving before they say their first words.

Everywhere you go, everywhere you live, everyone you interact with, that's one more risk of attachment and a definite chance of incomplete completeness.

You collect a lot of memories, you watch seeds being planted,

Everyone looks at you and thinks, 'Wow, you are so lucky to have watched all those seeds being put into the ground'

But deep inside you wish they knew how much you long to watch a flower grow,

to experience its changes from Spring to Winter

to live through every experience

to know more than just the foundation.

And yes foundations are where it all begins,

but that's not all you need to build a home.

When you see certain people and you envy that they've lived everywhere,

realise that there is a price to pay

and sometimes it hurts more to have deposits of everything and feel you have no full collection of anything.

To see people speak of their childhood homes when you are constantly battling with which building to give that title.

But then again, that's also the beauty of it. 

Globetrotters become a rainbow of experiences 

A unique combination of memories

And the best part about a little bit of everything is that the child whose first words you missed knows about you from the photos that hang on her parents' wall.

And every time she asks them about the person in the picture, a tenderness of memories warms their hearts and fills their home. 

That seed you helped plant, and that 1 flower you missed, has grown into a garden 

And from that very garden, a flower was used to transform a friendship into romance.
And though you may never see the two lovers, you became a part of their story when you buried that seed.
They became a part of your story when they first appreciated that garden.

So, on one hand, it may seem like a sense of incompleteness, to never experience everything right to the end.
But then again, where does the end really begin?
The places you have been to, the people you have met, will never be without you.
I wonder why we even long for an end because most, if not all things, belong to the continuous cycle of beginnings.

A part of them will always be a part of you and a part of you will always be a part of them.

You have gone beyond your individual completeness and your life has overflowed across boarders

And though it may seem like the pieces are scattered across worlds, when you really look within, you will find that they are all stitched together inside of you.
You carry an intersection of worlds 

And... I don't know how much more complete life can be.

~Nala👑